Gods and levers

Well, I know this is one odd topic. However I couldn’t resist myself from writing on this hilarious subject. My Great grandmother (kollu paatti in Tamil) was an interesting character. She was a strong woman with the greatest of will power. All her five senses worked in perfect harmony – she noticed every small detail in people and she could identify if a lady in the neighbourhood wore a new earring. She heard every secret conversation. Her plump nose could smell everything, and she could tell every minute spice added to a dish, she could identify people with their touch and so on and on. She had greed for food, I would say. I have been truly awestruck to see one huge tomato go down her throat, after getting crushed in between her toothless jaw into an ultimate pulp.

However strong she was, she felt depressed during a particular recurring occasion in her life. Given her age, she had problems while attending to her nature’s calls. She used to suffer either constipation or loose motion. Her cupidity for food, also, in my opinion, added to it. She used to devour on all dishes, ranging from the sweetest kesari to the hottest chilly pickles. However, her intestines had crossed their retirement age, and were too worn out to digest everything. Going by Newton’s words, ‘’every action had an equal and opposite reaction’’ in her stomach. The very next day, she used to call out to the gods from the restroom, asking them to help her with the final process of digestion, and ease her bowel movements. The point to be accentuated is that, she did not just stop with praying to the gods but also made deals with them, by promising to give offerings. For instance, if it was constipation, the items proposed to be offered to god would be those that helped god to ease the process. If it was loose motion, the offering would be of such a kind that helped god to carry out an ‘arresting’ task. Whatever it was, she firmly believed that god would accept her offering as a tool kit, and carry out her instructions that he has received in the form of prayers. If the offering was butter or something else, I could roughly imagine how god could use that to his advantage in attending to my grandma’s problems. I have even seen her offering coconuts to god, and that was bizarre. My grandfather, her dutiful son, would obey immediately and run to the temple, carrying coconuts, or butter or any other delicacy to the almighty. When the problems were solved, and there was a happy ending, our whole family would celebrate and she would start the process again from step no.1
What is worth mentioning was her attachment towards Lord Ganesh during these times of crisis. And every time, it was lord Ganesh. I wonder how that poor guy must be operating there. My fantasy has been running wild, trying to imagine that how god must be functioning, in a giant chamber, surrounded by too many levers around him. When there was constipation problem, he would open the lever corresponding to paatti, and during the opposite, he would moderate the lever when the ‘’flow’’ went out of control. Just imagine the number of levers the Lord would operate. Like Tenali raman,I wondered what would happen if he got confused as to who gave the offering and whose lever he should operate, there would be confusions. I also wonder if he would consider taking action only based on the quality and quantity of the delicacies offered.
Jokes apart, I have always loved the innocence and ignorance of Kollu paatti😁😂😆.